Have you ever noticed that, in your own mind, you tend to think everyone else is more intelligent, better looking, wealthier, or happier than you are? Why is that? Is that not the saddest thing? Here you are, living in the western world, with great education and health care, surrounded by people who adore you, and striving to become independently wealthy. Yet, we constantly compare ourselves to other people, thinking that “they” have it much better than you. This is an illusion that we must fight against with all our strength and fortitude.
The media has us believing that the world is a scary place, that everyone is out to get us and that we are low people because we don’t own a big business or aren’t making millions (or billions) of dollars. We are surrounded by people who take prescription drugs just because they feel insecure and bad about their lot in life. Some of the most educated and beautiful people I know need medication just to go to work everyday. Is that not the craziest thing?
You are wealthier and more beautiful than you’ll ever know. Practice the following.
(i) Begin each day in gratitude for our health, support system and love.
(ii) Look in the mirror and speak beautiful language to yourself. Be kind, generous and your best friend.
(iii) Talk to someone today and help them solve a problem. They’ll reciprocate and will help you one day.
(iv) Say a kind word to someone you meet today who looks a little sad.
(v) Keep the focus off your personal pity party and help someone else .
(vi) Spend your free time today looking at Youtube videos on how to reach your higher self.
(vii) Be proud of other people’s accomplishments. They are no better, or worse, than you. They have the same insecurities and issues you have.
Know that you are already terrific and have everything you need to do anything you want to do today. You’re special. Be your best self. The world needs YOU just the way you are.
Does your son seem a little off lately? is he exhibiting behaviors that are not normal for him? Does he sleep with his light on? Does he not want to sleep alone in his bed anymore? Does he seem more angry or agitated than normal?
When boys exhibit behaviors that are out of character for them, we need to pay attention. It could be signs of any number of things: bullying, hanging around with a fast crowd who do not have the same values as your son and your family, getting a bad grade in school, etc.)
First and foremost, know that your son needs
(i) your patience and understanding. He does not want to be angry or make you annoyed at him anymore than you already may be.
(ii) your support, sensitivity and professionalism. He is most likely very embarrassed or humiliated and will not want you to contact the school. He doesn’t want any more negative attention drawn to him or have bullies and classmates retaliate. Hear him out, contact the school in a sensitive and professional.
(iii) the support of the school. He needs to know that the school is a safe environment. Contacting a school professional (counsellor, teacher or vice principal) to help guide him will assure him that he has a safe place to go for protection and understanding.
Here are some ways to deal with it:
(i) Have your son talk with a school counsellor or trusted teacher. You may instigate a meeting by notifying the school professional and have them talk with him.
(ii) If you see signs of anxiety (nervousness, panic, fear) or depression (can’t get out of bed) that continues for at least two weeks, bring him to a professional counsellor who can help him. Time is of the essence.
Please get this resolved in a timely manner. You want your child back to his normal vivacious self as soon as possible so that (i) he can concentrate on his studies and extracurricular activities and (ii) build resilience so that he will learn what to do next time it happens.
Nothing worries a parent more than to have a child come home from school after being bullied. The emotions can range anywhere from your child feeling sad, humiliated and embarrassed to showing signs of anxiety and depression. And nothing angers a parent more than to hear that the teacher had made fun of their child in front of the class, making the situation worse for their child.
As a Guidance Counsellor, I have spoken with many parents over the years who have shared with me stories of their children getting bullied at school and having to spend days, months or even years dealing with their child’s anxiety and depression that inevitably follows. One “small” event can be life changing – for both the child and and the entire family.
I have seen it all. I have been involved in situations where families pay the price of torture and sadness for years by using ineffective ways of dealing with the situation AND in situations where families deal with it in a way that brings positive transformation to their child.
The goal is to have a happy child again. Here are some ways to effectively deal with the situation:
(i) Gather the facts. Find out from your child exactly when, where, who, what and why the situation occurred.
(ii) Remain calm. Reassure your child that you love him/her and will do everything possible to make him/her safe.
(iii) Arrange to meet with the teacher, Guidance Counsellor or Dean of Students. The teacher and/or school counsellor should have contacted you before the child came home to prepare you for your child’s emotions. If not, contact the child’s guidance counsellor first thing in the morning and arrange a time to have a one-on-one meeting with you and the child. If there are confidential things that need to be discussed, have your child wait outside the office until you’ve finished speaking with the guidance counsellor.
Administration may require that the bullies stay a certain physical distance from your child while on school property. Your child may feel even more embarrassed about this but sometimes the only way to calm things down and strive for peace is for all people involved to have space.
(iv) Determine strategies for your child’s success. With the input of school administration, (a) be clear about your expectations (i.e. What do you want and expect them to do? Contact the parents of the alleged bullies? Discipline the alleged bullies?) and (b) determine the actions that school administration is willing (or not willing) to take.
(v) Surround your child with a supportive team. Contact a tutor, life coach, counsellor who can meet with your child and you to determine strategies for success (i.e. help your child develop a mindset and strategy that can help him/her move forward).
(vi) Help your child focus on the positive. Have your child create a vision board listing goals and dreams for the day, week, month or year to hang on his/her wall, refrigerator, etc.; encourage your child to read books and watch Youtube videos on successful people and positive strategies for success.
(vii) Help your child develop a growth mindset rather than a fixed mindset. Practice positive language at home and an attitude of “if-it’s-going-to-be-it’s-up-to-me.
(viii) Encourage your child to stay physically active (eg. martial arts is terrific). This will help him/her gain physical strength which will help with emotional strength building.
(ix) If your child is experiencing anxiety and depression consistently for at least two weeks, seek professional help for your child and you (parents/sibblings). Your child needs help – if only for the short term. Don’t let this event become a bigger monster than it already is.
With the right support team and mindset, your child will learn from this and grow into a terrific human being who can help others. Your child will thrive more quickly with a supportive and effective professional team. I know. I’ve experienced miracles with children and families who have made the transformation to greatness in spite of the obstacles. You can too!
thejayoasis 